We’ll begin at the beginning…
I’m an average 20-someething LDS female. I grew up in the church. I had a wonderful childhood. I have a strong testimony and love my religion. I am working on a graduate degree, and so is my husband.
We met through mutual friends. We clicked instantly. We had lots of similar interests. He was a return missionary. We shared a genuine love for the church. He respected me more than any guy I ever dated. We had common goals for life.
Now unlike what you may be thinking, we did not rush into marriage. We dated for years, making sure it was right. We fell in love….
We got married, and were genuinely happy. We were the ideal couple. Good looking, smart, spiritual. It wasn’t a facade. He made me laugh, and I drove him wild with passion. It was real…. It was the love little girl’s dream of.
We were both going to school, working, and very busy. We didn’t get much time together, but when we did it was magical. We were happy… And it wasn’t just newlywed happy. This lasted for years and years, longer than most people stay in the honeymoon phase. We were simply in love! :-)
Things didn’t change overnight. We both started grad school, we got busier, and things slowly got harder. Our time together was less and less. And for some reason, when we did get time together, the tension was stronger and stronger.
Little things I did began bothering him. He was more uptight with me, and we started fighting. We had disagreed many times in our marriage, but we are both very mature and even tempered. In years and years of marriage, we had never let it get bad enough that we yelled. And then… we began to yell
I hated it, and every time it escalated to yelling, I would cry for hours afterward. And unlike before, he would not wipe my tears. I began to dread going home because I knew what was bound to happen.
I knew we needed help. I suggested therapy, attempted talking it out… nothing worked.
I began trying harder. I was desperate. I tried doing more for him. I tried making his life as easy as possible. I went overboard…. And I smothered him. I smothered him to the point that he avoids me now.
On the rare occasions he is home, he just walks in the door and doesn’t even say hi to me. He goes straight outside and plays with his dog for hours. Then he goes straight to the bedroom and watches tv for the rest of the night. Not because he loves TV, but I think he does it to get away from me.
As we speak, he is sitting on the other couch playing Halo. I have tried saying a few things to him, and he just ignores me. He seems depressed, and I have no idea why
I wish I knew why he acts this way, because it breaks my heart
We put on a façade now. We smile and walk together when we go out. We tease and joke, and pretend to be happy. It’s fake, but I am not ready for people to know yet.
Until recently, I was not ready yet.
And this is my life….
